Sending Comfort and Support After a Miscarriage

Going through a miscarriage is a deeply personal experience, and it can feel incredibly isolating. The statistics say that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, yet many women feel alone in their grief. 

If you or someone you love has recently experienced a miscarriage, know this: you are absolutely not alone. 

Here are some ways to offer comfort and support during this difficult time.

What is the best advice after a miscarriage?

There’s no magic answer, because healing is a personal journey. But here are some ways you can offer comfort and support during this tough time:

• Acknowledge the loss with love. Let them know their feelings are completely valid. Simple phrases like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “This is really hard, and it’s okay to feel sad” can open the door for them to express their grief.
• Be a listening ear, not a problem-solver. You don’t need to try to fix the situation or offer empty reassurances like “Everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes, just being there to listen without judgment is the most helpful thing you can do. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what they need to talk about.
• Validate their emotions. It’s completely normal to feel a rollercoaster of emotions after a miscarriage – sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, you name it. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they feel. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
• Encourage self-care. A miscarriage can take a toll on both physical and emotional well-being. Gently nudge them to prioritize rest, healthy eating, and activities that bring them comfort. Maybe it’s a long bath with their favorite bath bombs, reading a good book that makes them laugh, or spending time with loved ones who can offer a hug and a listening ear.

What not to do after a miscarriage?

Miscarriage is a deeply personal experience, and sometimes the wrong words can feel like salt in the wound. 

Here are some things to avoid saying, even if you mean well:

• Minimizing the Loss: Phrases like “It wasn’t meant to be” or “At least you can get pregnant again” might seem comforting, but they can actually dismiss the very real emotions the person is feeling. This was a hoped-for baby, a loss, and it’s okay to be sad about it.
• Offering Unsolicited Advice: Unless they specifically ask for your opinion, hold off on giving advice on what they should or shouldn’t do. It can feel intrusive during a time when they just need space to process their emotions.
• Pressuring Them to “Move On”: Grieving takes time, and there’s no set timeline. Don’t pressure them to get over the loss before they’re ready. Saying things like “You’ll feel better soon” or “Time heals all wounds” might minimize their feelings.
• Focusing on the Future (too soon): While it’s okay to acknowledge hope for the future eventually, avoid phrases like “There’s always next time” right away. They may not be ready to think about “next time” and simply need to focus on the present and their current emotions.
• Making Comparisons: Statements like “My friend had a miscarriage and bounced back quickly” or “At least you weren’t further along” might seem intended to offer comfort, but they can actually make the person feel worse. Everyone grieves differently, and their experience is unique.

Here’s what you can do instead:

• Acknowledge their pain: Let them know you’re sorry for their loss and that their feelings are valid.
• Offer to listen: Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply be there to listen without judgment. Let them know you’re there for them if they want to talk.
• Offer practical help: Maybe you can help with errands, childcare, or a meal. Taking some things off their plate can ease the burden during this difficult time.
• Be patient and understanding: Healing is a journey, and it can take weeks, months, or even longer. Be patient with them as they navigate their grief.

How to counsel someone after a miscarriage?

Here are some tips for offering support that might make a real difference:

• Be a patient listener: Create a safe space for them to express their emotions without judgment. Sometimes all they need is a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
• Offer practical help: Help with errands, childcare, or meals can ease some of the burden during this difficult time.
• Connect them with resources: Support groups, online forums, or a therapist specializing in miscarriage counseling can be invaluable resources. Let them know you’re there to help them find what they need.

How long is the recovery time for a miscarriage?

The physical recovery time after a miscarriage is typically quick. Most women will see their bodies return to normal functioning within a few weeks. However, the emotional healing journey is much more personal and can vary greatly.

Here’s a breakdown of what to expect:

Physical Recovery:

• Bleeding usually lasts for up to two weeks, though it can sometimes be heavier than a typical period.
• Cramping may occur, similar to menstrual cramps.
• Most women can resume normal activities within a few days to a week.
• It’s important to listen to your body and get plenty of rest during this time.

Emotional Recovery:

This is where things get more individual.  There’s no set timeline for healing grief after a miscarriage. It’s completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions, including:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Loneliness
• Emptiness

Some women may feel ready to talk about their experience openly, while others may prefer to grieve more privately. Here are some general pointers on emotional recovery:

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions: Don’t bottle them up. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or joining a support group can be a healthy way to express your grief.
• Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time. Don’t feel pressured to bounce back right away.
• Take care of yourself: Prioritize healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and gentle exercise. These can all contribute to your emotional well-being.
• Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist specializing in miscarriage counseling. They can provide support and guidance during this difficult time.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. There are many people who have been through similar experiences and can offer support.

Counseling After Miscarriage

Counseling can be a powerful tool for processing the emotional aftermath of a miscarriage. 

A therapist can provide a safe space to express grief, explore coping mechanisms, and develop strategies for healing. Here are some resources to find a therapist specializing in miscarriage counseling:

• The American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/
• The American Society for Reproductive Medicine: https://www.asrm.org/
• The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/about-mental-illness/