How to Build a Village: Finding Community as a Busy Mom

Being a mom is a beautiful, rewarding experience—but let’s be real, it can also feel isolating. Between sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, school drop-offs, and the constant juggle of work and home life, making time for building friendships can seem impossible. 

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to do it alone. Finding a village—a supportive community—can make all the difference. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, who understand the chaos, and who can share in both the struggles and the joy.

So, how do you go about building friendships as a busy mom? Let’s dive in!

How Do You Build a Friendship?

Building friendships as an adult—especially as a mom—can feel intimidating. Unlike childhood, where friendships were built on playgrounds and playdates, adult friendships require more effort and intentionality. 

But the good news? You’re not alone in this! Many moms are in the same boat, craving meaningful connections. Here are some steps to start building friendships:

1. Put Yourself Out There – Join mom groups, attend local events, or participate in community activities. Sometimes, making the first move is all it takes.
2. Be Consistent – Friendships take time to develop. Whether it’s a weekly coffee date or checking in with a text, consistency matters.
3. Be Open and Vulnerable – Real friendships aren’t just about small talk. Share your struggles, joys, and everyday moments.
4. Find Common Ground – Whether it’s a shared hobby, parenting philosophy, or a love for the same TV show, connections thrive on common interests.
5. Follow Up – If you meet a mom you connect with, reach out! Suggest a casual hangout or a playdate. Friendships need nurturing.

Remember, building friendships doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about taking small steps to foster genuine connections over time.

What Are the 5 C’s of Friendship?

To cultivate strong, lasting friendships, consider the 5 C’s of friendship:

1. Compassion – True friends support each other through thick and thin. They offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.
2. Communication – Open, honest communication is the foundation of any good friendship. Responding to texts, checking in, and being present matters.
3. Commitment – Friendships need effort. Show up for your friends, both in good times and bad.
4. Consistency – Friendships aren’t built in a day. Make time for regular check-ins and quality time together.
5. Celebration – Celebrate each other’s wins! Whether it’s a new job, a parenting milestone, or a personal achievement, cheering each other on strengthens bonds.

If you want to focus on building friendships, keep these five C’s in mind. They serve as a great foundation for making—and keeping—meaningful connections.

What Is the 80/20 Rule for Friendships?

The 80/20 rule for friendships is simple: 80% of the time, your friendships should be fulfilling, supportive, and positive. The remaining 20% might involve disagreements, scheduling conflicts, or misunderstandings—and that’s okay!

Friendships, like any relationship, aren’t perfect. They require patience and understanding. The key is focusing on the 80% that brings joy, connection, and support rather than dwelling on the 20% that may be challenging. If a friendship consistently feels draining or one-sided, it might be time to reevaluate.

When building friendships, remember that no one is perfect. What matters is that your friends add value and joy to your life more often than not.

Why Can’t I Make Deep Friendships?

If you’re struggling with building friendships on a deeper level, you’re not alone. Many moms feel this way, and there are several common reasons:

1. Lack of Time – Between parenting, work, and home responsibilities, carving out time for friendships can feel impossible. The key? Prioritizing small moments, like a quick coffee chat or a voice memo check-in.
2. Fear of Rejection – It’s natural to worry about putting yourself out there. But remember, many moms are looking for friendships just like you.
3. Surface-Level Interactions – It’s easy to chat about kids and daily life, but deep friendships require vulnerability. Share your struggles, dreams, and thoughts beyond just parenting topics.
4. Past Friendship Hurt – If you’ve been burned in past friendships, it can be hard to open up again. Healing takes time, but the right people will make the effort worth it.
5. Different Life Stages – Sometimes, friendships drift because of different schedules, priorities, or life paths. This is normal! It’s okay to outgrow friendships and seek out new ones that align with your current stage of life.

If building friendships feels like an uphill battle, give yourself grace. Finding the right people takes time, but meaningful connections are worth the effort.

Making Friendship a Priority as a Mom

Motherhood is demanding, but friendships are just as essential as meal prep, diaper changes, and bedtime routines. They provide emotional support, joy, and a sense of community that makes the journey less overwhelming.

Here are some ways to make building friendships a priority even with a busy schedule:

• Schedule Friendship Time – Set aside time for social activities, even if it’s just a virtual coffee date.
• Find Like-Minded Moms – Whether through local mom groups, online forums, or school connections, surround yourself with those who share similar values.
• Mix Social Time with Mom Life – Playdates, gym meetups, and stroller walks are all great ways to socialize while keeping up with daily responsibilities.
• Be Intentional – Deep connections don’t just happen; they’re built. Show up, check in, and make the effort.
• Let Go of Perfection – Friendships don’t have to be perfectly orchestrated. Sometimes, a simple text saying “Thinking of you!” goes a long way.

Final Thoughts

Building friendships as a busy mom isn’t always easy, but it’s absolutely worth it. A strong support system makes motherhood more joyful, manageable, and fulfilling. Friendships remind you that you’re not alone, that there are others who truly understand, and that laughter over a shared struggle can make even the toughest days a little lighter.

So, take that first step. Say hi to the mom at the park, send that text to an old friend, and open yourself up to new connections. Your village is out there—it just takes a little effort to build it.

How have you navigated building friendships as a busy mom? Share your experiences in the comments—we’d love to hear from you!